My recent ob/gyn appointment
Dear blog,
So, on Tuesday, the 30th I had an appointment with my ob gyn. I decided it was time for me to go talk to him because of all my frustrations. I wasn’t sure if perhaps I needed blood work to know if my hormones are whack, or what’s going on with me.
I had a nice conversation with my favorite ob gyn- the guy. He absolutely listens to me. I brought my list of concerns, and here’s the answers I got:
1) Should I get a hormone panel? Because I feel crazy, I have major anxiety and OCD and I want to feel normal again.
He responded with: “I can’t even begin to explain you how many times I hear this, yet none of you women are talking to EACH OTHER about it.” He then went on to explain hormones to me. Because I simply asked him, “When will I feel back to normal?” and he responded with “never.”
What he meant was, think of all your hormones as being the stock exchange. They are constantly going to be going up and down on the daily, and will never completely be perfectly balanced. He also went on to explain that “look, you just went through a complete mind body transformation, and you will never be back to how you were. You essentially have a ‘different set’ of hormones now. So now is when we take what we’ve got going on, and we figure out how to move forward with it.”
2) I addressed that my boobs still leak sometimes. He told me that any woman who has ever had a baby will always have the ability to squeeze some sort of liquid out of their boobs. Interesting. No one ever told me this.
3) My periods have been very long and heavy these last two times. He explained that my uterus is about twice the size it used to be, and that it can take 3-6 months for your periods to level out to what they “most likely will be.” Hm okay. Again, no one ever told me this. He also explained that now that I’m postpartum, let’s address the things we don’t like happening. Since I’m having heavy periods, he recommended the pill or an IUD which will help make them lighter.
4) I addressed my weight loss issue. He explained that the weight loss thing can honestly be tricky and it’s probably not hormonal. He said, and I quote, “fuck these cunts in LA who are back to a size 2 in a day”. (I cried laughing), but also, he’s right. I don’t have the funds to afford a personal trainer and nutritionist on the daily. I also am a part time working mom, and I’m not going to hire a nanny to raise my child. So, for me, yeah, the weight loss will probably take a little longer.
5) I also had him look at my c section incision again, just to make sure everything looks normal. He said it looks great, yet I told him I hate my “shelf”. And he says “Yeah, I completely understand that, it’s the subcutaneous layer of fat right there over it.” He recommended that if I was really upset about it, I could do lipo there, which he’s not wrong. He knows I’m a glamour girl, so its not like was telling me I NEEDED it, he just half jokingly said it. And hell yes, whenever I decide I’m done with having kids, I am ABSOLUTELY doing some sort of mommy makeover. No shame in that.
My biggest takeaway from this doctor appointment is that he explained to me that truly, I am a new person. I have gone through an enormous physical and emotional change, and now it’s a matter of figuring out who this person is, and going through the journey of “liking her.” After addressing my anxiety and OCD too, he explained to me that many of these thoughts I have are so common, yet again, no one talks TO EACH OTHER about it. Why is that? He also recommended for me a postpartum support group which I absolutely think will help.
After speaking with my doctor, it helped me feel better and have some answers. However, the major journey for me is figuring out how to like this new person that I am. It took me 33 years to “like” who I was before. Now I am a new person with a new mindset, new body, and new job that I have no manual, and no experience in. It is INCREDIBLY difficult for women. I just want everyone here reading this to know, that I see you. I also understand the women who don’t want to do this. The women who don’t want to have children. I used to be that person. It is an enormous task that should not be taken lightly. I am incredibly blessed to have my healthy baby girl, but the thing is, I still matter too. And this is hard. One word of advice I have for people too is, please don’t assume that we are just “going to have a second kid.” Some women really don’t want to go through this postpartum period again. And frankly, WE DON’T HAVE TO. In my next post I really want to bring light to things people have said to me pregnant and postpartum. It really bothers me that people don’t respect boundaries and just assume things about each individual’s family planning.
Until next time,
Jess