How do I want my family to look?
Hi blog,
I’ve been reading these mom group discussions and been thinking a lot on my own about how I want my family to look. I was always the girl who was never having kids. It scared me way too much. And frankly, still scares me even with having one. It brings immense joy but with it brings a lot of physical, mental, and emotional challenges.
It’s funny because when I was about 11 days postpartum, it was Valentines Day, and my husband and I went out for a Valentine lunch date while my dad watched Natalie. After a wine tasting and a couple espresso martinis deep, I told him that I felt things were going so great that I kind of wanted two more kids! I also have said that sober as well! Ha!
As time keeps going on, I’m realizing that the recovery from having one is truly a LOOOONG process. I was in for an incredible rude awakening when after three months, I wasn’t “back to normal.” Now that I am 6 months pp, I’ve grown a lot into my new self, but I truly don’t know anymore what “back to normal” means.
As far as this idea of wanting more kids or not, I’ve realized I’m really not in a position to make this decision for quite a while. I think about my own family and how I’ve never really had a “normal” sibling upbringing. I have a half sister who is 15 years older than me whom I never lived with, and I have a brother who is 7.5 years younger than me, and he has Down syndrome. While my brother and I were very close, I can’t have a normal conversation with him because he is not fully verbal. It’s quite a lonely feeling. I’ve also witnessed sibling conflict amongst my mother and her siblings. I know of people who don’t speak to their only sibling anymore. So my point is, if people are wanting kids to “give their kid a sibling”, there’s no guarantee that the two siblings will even get along anyway! So truly, I’d really like some feedback on this…… what made you decide to have more or not have more kids? At this current hormonal rollercoaster bullshit state that I’m in now in my postpartum journey, I am feeling at this moment like I’m good with one and done.
Until next time…..
Jess